Astra's Batshit Roundup

Political Batshit; Fundie Batshit; News of the Weird; ‘WTF’ moments; Cinematic Batshit, and More….

Dayum, but I loves me some batshit!

This week, there’s a bumper-crop of sociopolitical/religious batshit – from state governors who don’t know the Constitution to preachers writing bad movie scripts, we’ve got it all – but first, a thought or three.

Batshit is supposed to be funny – and while there’s a lot of funny stuff here every week or so, we really ought to pause to reflect on the fact that the world is a scary and unsafe place for a whole lot of people.  Some of the batshit you’re reading here this week will make your head numb, your eyes squint, and your mind say, ‘Whatthefuck?’ – but we really ought to consider the fact that every time one of our ‘leaders’ decides to do something bugfuck-crazy, someone else, either some guy on unemployment here in America or another guy working the night-shift pushing a broom in Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, or some other Third World shit-hole is going to suffer.  Think about that the next time you vote.

Now; to the batshit.  There’s a lot of it.

General Batshit….

Seems people are reading this piece and actually looking forward to it.  Every week, I get stuff from readers.  Some of it is useful.

Take this site, for example, which features some of the more colorful political-protest signs.  (Yes, the one you see here is one of them).  Grandma is a Teabagger.  For Jesus, no less.  (Note:  There's a lot of ubercool signs on this site.  Most of them are misspelled to the point of making you cry.  Others are the product of such woeful education as to make you wonder if the person responsible came from another country - or another planet.  Regardless, it's one of those delightful wastes of time on par with People Of Wal-Mart). 

Gatorade.  Who would have known it was so popular?  This site (PassiveAggressiveNotes) is another one of those time-wasters like Failblog or PeopleOfWalMart – it can suck your brains in for hours at a time.  The lessons?  (1) People are nasty; (2) Toilets plug if you feed them things they don’t like; (3) Gatorade is probably full of some fucking controlled substance or another, because people go off the rails when theirs gets stolen. 

There are other lessons here.  Damned if I know what they are.

Lastly, there’s this site, which features some pretty fucked-up listings from Craigslist (you can file this under “these people collate all of this shit so you don’t have to.”)

This toy won Worst Toy of the Year from Parents' Magazine in 1981.  I can see why:

Political Batshit….

I like Chuck Norris.  He made it to 70, and still thinks like a punk-assed 18-year-old who wants to go kill Nazis Commies Progressives.  This week, he’s featured at World Nut Net Daily, where he’s going off again about All Things Anti-American - this time, by dissing on the public school system....

Meanwhile, on the economic front, there was an unusual conclusion to a jobs fair in Massachusetts….

Newt Gingrich screwed around on his wife so it would instruct him on how to impeach Clinton (I know; it’s hard to write this stuff without wincing.  You can’t make this shit up; you just can’t…)

How Tim Pawlenty got elected as a state governor without knowing the Constitution is truly amazing….

You can’t eat an orange in your bathtub in California (and fifty other bizarre state laws you never heard of)….

Sheriff Joe (“Tent City”) Arpaio enlisted the help of none other than Steven Seagal (washed-up action-film ‘star’) to help drive a tank (yes; a tank) into a residential neighborhood in Phoenix to perform a very unusual ‘raid’ (Hint: Chickens were involved)….

The American Enterprise Institute (one of those right-wing Astroturf groups the Koch Bros. don’t want you to know about) is hosting a lecture on the State of White America.  Seriously….

‘WTF’ Moments….

I love these sandals.   (Actually; I don’t.  The surgical-tubing they use for the thong-part irritates my feet.  But ya gotta love their logo.  And the 'extra bounce')….

While this isn’t quite ‘WTF’ material (as it’s rather well-thought-out) – if you’re tempted to make a lead-hat for yourself or spend the rest of your life indoors since the nuclear accident in Japan, go here and check out the chart.  It sort of puts things in perspective….

What does a guy with everything get for himself?  In this case, a whole houseful of friends….

This is not only fucked up, it's a bit embarrassing.  So just go read it....

The name of this restaurant just screams ‘WTF??’:

Fundie Batshit….

Mike Huckabee would be really, really comfortable with someone in the White House who shared his own views.  Just sayin’….

Bryan Fischer continues to channel ‘Napoleon’ (from Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’) – turns out that everyone is created equal – it’s just that ultraRight Fundies are More Equal Than Others….

The life of a Culture Warrior is hard – especially if you’re bugfuck-nuts, like Sally Kern….

Mr. Banana Man (Ray Comfort) and his actor buddy, Kirk Cameron, have rewritten the Bible:

Turns out we just didn’t know how good we had it under Bush the Second…

David Barton (Glenn Beck’s favorite ‘historian’), now wants us to believe that the Declaration of Independence is a collection of sermons, and that Jesus opposed the minimum wage.  (What’s next; David? Cow tipping?  Oh, yeah – Obama’s engaged in a sinister plot)….

Cinematic Batshit….

Hollywood hasn’t had a new idea in years.  The bottom of the barrel?  A remake of ‘Red Dawn’.  The producers changed the ‘enemy’ to the Chinese – problem is, they really, really have to sell this turkey, so they’ve done some pretty interesting things….

Just when I think I’ve seen a trailer for the Most Fucked Up Movie Ever, something else comes along. Like this piece of dementia:

Batshit of the Week Award….

John Hagee is an interesting fellow.  When he’s not busy bashing gays from his pulpit and beating the ‘take America back’ drum, he’s busied himself writing fiction (I thought Tim LaHaye had that angle sewn up, but I guess not.)  

He’s written a screenplay out of one of them (“Jerusalem Countdown”).   The producers managed to find two washed-up actors (Stacy Keach and Lee Majors), plus coerce Randy Travis into appearing in a film about bad Muslims, good Americans, and the Great Snatch (a.k.a. ‘The Rapture’).

Folks; I didn't know where to add this one - it defies classification.  Fundie Batshit?  Yeah.  Cinematic Batshit?  Oh, yeah.  Besides, words absolutely fucking fail me.  So, without further commentary, my Batshit of the Week Award goes to the new John Hagee film, “Jerusalem Countdown”:

(Until next time; folks.  Leave a comment below.  You know you want to)....