Astra's Batshit Roundup....

General Batshit, ‘WTF’ Moments; Religious Batshit, Batshit Video, and The Usual Gang of Idiots….

Religious Batshit

Although I’ve promised you that this wouldn’t be exclusively a recurring ‘let’s-pick-on-the-Fundies’ piece, you’ll have to agree with me that some of the best batshit is religious. I mean, take this piece, from AlQaeda – their first women’s magazine. Epic - Friggin' - Fail. And don't get caught in Chechnya dressing 'immodestly' if you're a woman - you'll suffer an unusual form of corporal-punishment....

Then, from the Other Side, there’s this video – just think; this poor gal is gonna have to live this piece down for the rest of her life; she looks like she’s making use of one of those ‘discreet toys’ you read about:

Then, there’s this piece out of Texas – a local church sponsors an exercise-class called ‘Pole Dancing for Jesus’:

Not to be outdone, one of our favorite Fundie whackjobs, Victoria Jackson, has written this disjointed diatribe at World Nut Net Daily, telling us that the TV show “Glee” was ‘mocking Christians’ with its gay-kiss scene (word up; Vicky – they’re not mocking anyone. Maybe you. Maybe Robertson/Barber/LaHaye and company – but I’ll bet that Jim Wallis and William Rivers Pitt aren’t going to give it a second thought. Get over yourself.)

Remember Charles Colson?

Yeah, he’s still around – but he acknowledges that at age 79, he won’t be for long, because he’s founded a group called ‘Centurions’, which will carry the torch of extreme Christian Fundamentalism after he and the Exalted Leaders of Batshit Christianity are all gone. (Really. It’s true. Plus, ya gotta love Colson's statement that "...Christians are too busy worshiping at the altar of the Bitch Goddess of Tolerance.")

Speaking of the current leaders of Fundamentalism in America, Franklin Graham (the off-the-rails son of evangelist Billy Graham) says that the Japanese quake might be signaling the ‘end times’, and that president Obama is part of a Vast Muslim Conspiracy.

Evangelist Rick Joyner thinks that the quake was caused by ‘demonic principalities’, and Cindy Jacobs thinks the ‘Japanese are sun-worshippers.’ (You’ll recall that all of these morons came out of the woodwork a year ago after the quake in Haiti, saying that the ‘nation had sold itself to the devil’).

‘WTF’ Moments….

Police in Pennsylvania found 50 bags of heroin – and a lot of other stuff – being smuggled by a woman in her Hoo-Hoo…. Speaking of Hoo-Hoo’s, if you find that your Precious Lady Bits aren’t as pink as you like, you can buy a can of this crap from MyNewPinkButton.Com, and brighten things right up….

Sean Hannity has an unusual solution to all of America's problems....

You can buy a designer pair of kneepads; especially designed for – well; you know – from Italian designer Diesel (but they’re only available in India)….

General Batshit….

Back to Pennsylvania, here’s a guy who found an inventive way to stop unwanted sexual advances…. Proof that you can get a custom license plate, but the state can always revoke it (I love this one. It’s inventive….) This one gives an entirely new meaning to the term, ‘dickhead’…. Then there’s this piece, from Bill O’Reilly of the No Brain Zone No Spin Zone – it turns out radiation is good for you:

More Batshit Video….

Words just fail me on this one. Forget “I Like Killing Flies”; this film is quite probably the Most F*cked-Up Movie Of All Time (at least, until one of my readers brings another one to my attention):

And, before we get to the Main Event this week, here’s something to leave you laughing – if you’re a David Lynch fan (and I am), here’s his first film, “Eraserhead”, condensed to 60 seconds:

Batshit of the Week Award….

Sometimes, there’s just so damn much batshit out there it’s hard to shovel. Regardless, it’s a tie this week; in a world where nearly everything is off the rails, I found two guys who take the cake.

First, there’s Randy Forbes of Virginia – who couldn’t get two other religiously-themed bills passed – and who still (obviously) hasn’t read the First Amendment....

Second, there’s Bobby Franklin of Georgia (whose multiplicity of proposed batshit-legislation boggles the mind), but who’s finally outdone even himself by saying that “America is like Khaddafi because abortion is legal.” (It’s true. Of course, he might as well have said, “Zombies run Belgium!”, because it makes just about as much sense. My question? Who elects these people?)

So – proof that not just one jackass, but several, can get elected, and because they’ve got the brains of a pet rock, the Batshit of the Week Award goes to Randy Forbes and Bobby Franklin. I hope they enjoy it.

(By the way, thanks to everyone who reads this small corner of the 'net, and who keep sending me things to feature. This is a fun diversion from writing about the reality of the world. You know who you are - keep it coming!)

Until next time, folks….